Dear SENG: “Gifted Adults” – A Personal Experience
Author: Helen Prince
Citation: First published in the SENGVine, Gifted Adult edition, January 2012
Recently, I was surfing on the Internet in search of an article about adult giftedness and came across “Gifted Adults” on the SENG website. As I was reading the article, a surge of normalcy swept over me. What a great sensation it is to feel “normal” when one often feels like an eccentric recluse who can’t seem to get where everyone else is at. I believe that knowing one is gifted is as great a gift as the giftedness itself. I wish to share with you my own experience as a gifted adult, how I came to be aware of my own giftedness, and the impact it has had on my life.
I come from a family of nine. My father was illiterate and worked as a labourer. My stay-at-home mom had attained a Grade 6 education. They worked hard and were caring parents with high moral standards. They were a humble people, who were unconcerned with social status. They went about their lives in a simple, unassuming manner, yet did not meet community approval. I concluded that we were average, and that others seemed rather odd in comparison. I’m not sure when the tables turned, but at some point, I found myself believing that others were average, and that it was I who was odd.
I dropped out of school after Grade 9, got married, had a son, and worked in a variety of clerical jobs. Ten years later, being consumed by a burning desire for knowledge, I enrolled in a university program. (It did not occur to me to finish high school first.) I completed a Bachelor in Theology (Civil), a Bachelor in Theology (Ecclesiastical), a Bachelor in Education, a Master of Arts (Religious Studies), Foundational Studies in Philosophy, a Specialist in Religious Education, a Certificate in Catholic Education Leadership, and the professional principal’s program. I taught at the primary, junior, intermediate, senior, and adult divisions, as well as coordinated Additional Qualification courses for teachers. The majority of my teaching career was in the area of World Religions and Philosophy. I wrote an interactive play about World Religions, and a teacher’s manual, student workbook and storybook on how to teach World Religions at the junior level. I sat on committees, coached volleyball, designed showcases, and volunteered to participate in anything innovative in education. A few years ago, I changed career paths, and entered into Adult Basic Literacy which is, without doubt, my true love. At a personal level, I enjoy opera, theatre, philosophy, meditation, quantum physics, computers and the study of human diversity.
I became a teacher first and foremost because my heart ached for my dad, who was not given the opportunity to learn to write his own name; and second, because I am intrigued by all things intellectual. I often wonder if the two reasons are not intimately interconnected. While I love teaching, I am somewhat disappointed in the lack of intellect that I have found in the field of education. Furthermore, despite my qualifications and absolute passion for the study of religions, I was not successful in attaining a department head position; and, despite being a qualified principal, I was never considered for even a vice-principal job. While there may be many reasons for this, I find myself not at the top of the likable list other than with family, close friends, and Mensans. My heightened sensitivity to air quality, light, noise and other stimulation makes me appear fussy and self-centered. I try my best to say as little as possible, but there are situations where I am so overwhelmed that I sometimes slip up and ask for a window to be opened or the sound to be turned down. There is doubtless a bit of panic in my voice, and the request seems excessive to many, and I suffer a sense of shame for not being able to assimilate. As well, I have an overactive sense of duty and morality. I am demanding on myself and others, and am absolutely unwilling to do anything that I feel is morally questionable. My solid moral stance can be quite inopportune because, in the end, my conscience must rule even over my supervisor’s preferences, and that is not a favourable position to find oneself.
At the age of 57 and despite four university degrees and a very active and happy career‚ albeit without promotion, I had convinced myself of my own mediocrity, and even wondered if I might be a little less than average. As a teacher, I thought a better understanding of my own psycho-educational profile could assist me in better serving my adult students, many of whom have similar backgrounds to me. I completed the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale and was astounded when it revealed an I.Q. score that placed me in the top 2% of the population. Even after the psychologist informed me of this, it took me one year to join Mensa because I was afraid that there was some sort of error and I would soon be found out.
My discovery of giftedness left me to wonder why I was not previously informed. I was a cooperative and respectful student, who learned new concepts easily, worked very hard and was a high achiever. Yet not once can I recall being told that I was even adequate, let alone gifted. As a teacher today, I look back at my childhood and reflect that perhaps poverty is one of the reasons that giftedness might be overlooked. I think that even with today’s heightened social awareness, we continue to favour the children of the affluent for academic programs, and suppose that only the doctor’s or professor’s children can be gifted. I believe there is a deep-rooted error in a still classist society that robs many gifted children of the awareness of their giftedness; and so we are doomed to enter adulthood, as probably did our parents, believing in our own mediocrity. I know this occurs not only because it happened to me, but because in the three years that I have been teaching adult basic literacy, I have identified three students I believe to be gifted. With a grade nine education, they read and write at a university level. Their thinking contains that profound insight associated with giftedness. There is a sparkle in their eyes that cannot be mistaken. There is confusion in their lives because they are not aware that they are gifted. What a great loss of human potential that could well have achieved great things for the betterment of our world. Yet, there they are, wondering why they can’t achieve a high school diploma and why they feel so odd. What a pity!
Since discovering my own giftedness, life is so much more comprehensible and pleasurable. I get it, now; I am the odd one out. I try so much more to adjust myself accordingly, thus not offending the majority. I go about my work compassionately and seek out creative ventures that will benefit others and my own creative cravings. I do my work quietly and without fanfare so others will not take notice. I socialize more with others like myself so I can have a sense of normalcy as often as possible. I make certain that I take time to play within the boundless boundaries of my own mind. I have come to really like who I am, and to be very thankful to my parents who gave this gift of giftedness to me. Despite the hassles that come with the territory, I wouldn’t give up my giftedness for all the kingdoms in the world. The gifted adult need not merely survive, but can flourish so long as one is aware of one’s own giftedness and celebrates it in one’s own unique way.
15 Comments »
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Thank you for your engaging words. I was identified gifted in elementary school in the 70′s and have 2 children receiving gifted services now. Yours references to “light, noise, and other stimulation” were eye-opening to me. You were describing my daughter perfectly and it is helpful to realize that these struggles are shared by others with similar intelligence. At times these characteristics can be very grating and have been the cause of many squabbles among my large brood, and the root of misunderstandings in our social circle. It’s good to hear it from another adult’s perspective.
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There’s a lot to write about here.
I was tested on intelligence in the late 1970′s. I wasn’t told a number or placement by anyone. However I was given the choice of going to kindergarten or first grade. I chose to go to first grade.
My mom thought I was gifted though the word really didn’t appear until I did my own research and had some informal test done by my therapist. My Dad thought I was just “normal”. The standard “women sense it, and men wonder how the kid could be gifted if you haven’t done anything yet”.
So I got mixed messages about my intelligence my entire childhood, and early adulthood. Linda Silverman discusses this on her website.
The other thing that I wanted to comment on is the heightened sensitivity to stimulus could be a reflection of the gifted called hypersensitivites. Its not a bad thing. Just means that gifted people are wired in such a way that they are acutely aware of their surroundings and sometimes even have more finely tuned senses than others. My daughter has Very good hearing (-5 in her left ear) Its like a superpower or something. turns out everybody in my house is sensitive in their hearing.
All of my children are bright just maybe not in the testable things. There are at least seven kinds of intellegences. Very few of those are featured in schools. My youngest deals with what the schools call Sensory Processing Disorder. Where the things that bug most people but they can ignore it and go on with their day. He has a harder time with, like tags on clothes, and brightness of rooms, and overly stimulating environments like most schoolrooms. Anyway check out Linda Silverman’s website It also addresses how different people, a large percentage, are Visual Learners. Interesting stuff.
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Hi, Mrs. Elliiott.
Happy to receive your response. Yes, sensitivities to light, noise, and other stimulation are part of the profile for some gifted persons. It is a very uncomfortable sensation; but, what really hurts is the response from others. You get the feeling that you are being a sort of nuisance, and that hurts not only because it makes you feel rejected, but because you feel the obligation not to bother others. It is one of the most difficult issues I experience. I have learned to say as little as possible, and to say it as infrequently as possible. What works well for me is to avoid the physical situation whenever possible. So, I keep my own environment as safe and comfortable as possible, and I endure as much as possible when I am invited into the environments of others. As those who love me became more aware of my needs, they seemed to make every attempt to keep me reasonably comfortable. So, rather than be an issue that divides, it became a means to unify. That is the Blessing called Giftedness.
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i can also relate to your phrase: “knowing one is gifted is as great a gift as the giftedness itself”. I only really understood that i was gifted after having my daughter evaluated (and confirmed as highly gifted = upper 1% of the population on the WISC scale). I had no idea of all the OTHER attributes that accompany giftedness, in particular the ‘hypersensitivities’, not only on the physical/sensation side but in particular the emotional hypersensitivity. A talk given by a SENG representative really opened to my eyes to so many things about myself – i had no idea that there were other people who could be like this! and that aspect was never ever recognised during my childhood, quite the contrary in fact, i was ridiculed and belittled for being “too sensitive” and a “crybaby”…i’ve only had our daughter evaluated but it’s clear to me that all 3 of our children are gifted, each one in different ways, AND that my husband is gifted also has great difficulty acknowledging the emotional aspects associated with his giftedness… it makes for very interesting times with the family. I’m indebted to SENG for communicating all this to the world.
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Thank you for this article. Although my path was quite different than yours, almost two years ago, at age 46, I discovered I was gifted. Really confirmed. It’s something we know deep inside of ourselves, but can’t bring it to the front, examine it, understand it, and make it part of ourselves. When I was accepted into Triple Nine Society (similar, but smaller than Mensa), I could finally acknowledge I was gifted. I wrote an article for thier newsletter, and almost identically wrote your last paragraph. Thanks for the reaffirmation I am not alone!
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Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is the story of many in my family. I have shared it with some of our school district’s listserv’s and we are all so touched by your journey. Good for you for taking the time to write this for all of us.
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I have a gifted daughter, and became a SENG MPG facilitator because I needed to find a way to make things better for her and other gifted kids in her school. As a result of the training, I find I finally understand myself and have an appreciation for my own giftedness. In discussing my daughter’s testing with my mother, she said, “Oh, we had you take a test when you were in elementary school. But you never applied yourself.” I felt like saying, “Thanks a lot, blame the kid for your lack of support.” (And I was an honor roll student anyway, so how irritating was that statement!) SENG has taught me a lot about what motivates gifted people, and it has helped me keep my daughter on track at school. I advocated for her to be advanced in math–took me a year and a half to finally get a “yes” from the school. She may not be getting an A (yet), but I know that it is making her work and strive to achieve rather than simply “phoning it in” and she is where she belongs–with her other gifted peers. This gifted parent has also impacted the g/t program at the school in that the policy and administrative rule is being revised and the program overhauled to better address the needs of the gifted. Go gifted people! Don’t let anyone underestimate you!
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Thanks for your helpful and candid perspectives. Your comment: “At the age of 57 and despite four university degrees…I had convinced myself of my own mediocrity, and even wondered if I might be a little less than average” is an all too common impostor feeling among high ability people, especially women.
Another example: Rosalyn Lang has a Ph.D. in molecular biology, has just completed a postdoctoral fellowship at Duke University…Yet when she looks back, she takes little credit for her successes. “I felt inadequate the entire time I was in graduate school. If I got a nice compliment, I just felt, ‘What? They’re trying to pull my leg! I can get kicked out at any minute.’”
From my post Dealing with self sabotage: Getting beyond impostor feelings
http://talentdevelop.com/2434/ -
Hi, Anna Rounseville.
Thank you for your response, and for the website data.
I am very interested in hearing – no pun intended – about your daughter’s acute hearing. This is one aspect of my being that causes me the most discomfort. I almost fear going to pub-type restaurants because of the loudness….yet, everyone is shouting at each other and having a great time. I end up almost in a state if shock and a headache that can last days after.
As I read your response I felt so much compassion for your daughter, and also joy that she is under the care of those who understand.
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Continued to Anna Rouseville…sorry, I got cut off….
There is much benefit from having acute hearing. You can enjoy the exactness of sound in music, and distinguish the many different sounds. That is.a joy and a reason to celebrate giftedness. One if my favorite abilities is to let everyone know a plane will be passing in a minute or two. I know this because I can hear/feel the vibrations long before the actual noise is distinguishable by others.
Helen Prince
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Hi, Lorraine T.
Thanks for sharing not only your experience, but that of the whole family. When my psychologist told me that my giftedness was “organic,” I really felt indebted to my parents for giving me this gift.
Like your husband, my family and I believed that our “oddities” were not of a positive nature. Believing that is a heavy burden to carry about. Your response reminds me that I have a duty to myself to learn more about giftedness so that I can better integrate it into my perception of self. SENG is definitely a safe place to do that.
Helen Prince
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Hi, Craig Callawaert.
Thanks for your comments. It is so true that we intuitively seem to know that there is something about us, but we just can name it. You expressed that intuitive experience so beautifully.
I am unfamiliar with the Triple Nine Society, but I will definitely try to find out more about it. While I chose Mensa, I imagine that any such society offers the acceptance warts and all that we so long for and where we can thrive together.
Helen Prince.
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Hi, Jenny.
Thank you so much for your comments and for sharing my story with persons in the school district. The more educators are invited to enter into the life of the gifted, the better they will be able to accommodate the needs of the gifted students in their care.
I thought it would be interesting to create a focus groups for Mensan teachers. We are working towards that in Ottawa.
Helen Prince
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Hi, J.L. Dahl.
Thanks for your comments. You make me feel like I have my own personal cheerleader.
Thanks for the reminder not to underestimate ourselves. I think I just did that recently, so I will go back and reexamine the decision I made as a result of that.
You are a heroic parent and surrogate parent to the gifted.
Helen Prince.
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Hi, Douglas Eby.
Thank you for your comments. I like the expression “imposter feeling.” Next time it pops up, I will think “phony,” but it will refer to the imposter feeling and not me!
You have given me a lot to ponder. I am especially taken aback that the experience of a gifted woman differs from that of a gifted man insofar as their experiences differ in society. That is very interesting, and opens up a whole other aspect of our being gifted.
Helen Prince.
