By Lisa Sticca-Conrod.
This is a busy time of year for parents and educators alike. Autumn is brimming with things like the new school year, classes and teachers and friends, new activities, new opportunities, etc. For many of us, it also signals a physical change in season, where changing leaves and colder weather bring fall fun like apple picking, pumpkin carving, family Thanksgiving celebrations, and Halloween festivities. The last of these, Halloween, is almost upon us – and for many, it invites the best of creativity. This is often most evident in our gifted population, whose creativity is often tied inextricably with their talents and their passions. I love seeing gifted kids express themselves while having fun, and Halloween is often a chance to do just that.
With this in mind, you can imagine my disappointment when a colleague recently sent me a picture of a “Former Gifted Child” Halloween costume. The package details that there’s “Nothing Included”, and when asking what that person is “supposed to be”, the answer is “I was supposed to be a lot of things.” Luckily for all of us, I suppose, it’s a “One Size Fits Most.”
To be honest, I don’t know if this is a real thing or “just a joke”. Regardless and irrespective of the creator’s intent, as a parent of twice-exceptional child who went back to school to study gifted education and development, as an advocate for the gifted, as a lawyer and an education professional, as a board member of several organizations that support the gifted, this incenses me on many fronts. It should irk you, too. Let’s explore why.
Former Gifted Child
Why “former”? I understand the “former child” part. But it begs the question: “Does giftedness suddenly “go away once a child reaches adulthood?” Of course it doesn’t, and this is indicative of society’s attitude toward the gifted population. Either they are assumed to be smart enough to take care of and figure life out for themselves, or if they are lucky enough to get the right support during their formative years, their giftedness suddenly disappears when they get out into the “real world”.
Given that assumption, that person may struggle, like many gifted individuals, as they move into adulthood because they don’t get the validation they may have gotten in school (being rewarded for excelling perhaps), or they don’t get the social-emotional support that they need to transition into the larger world. It has been long understood that many gifted individuals have trouble discerning their place or purpose, as finding cognitive peers is difficult. They are often misunderstood – by peers, parents, teachers, and even professionals. As a result, there is an alarming rate of mental health issues (most notably depression and anxiety), suicide, and disillusionment that comes with a gifted young adult, and there always has been.
Further, the path of a gifted person is not usually as linear as other individuals. Because many gifted individuals are “multipotentialites”, finding that one passion or interest to pursue can be a confusing, if not frustrating process – resulting in depression, dropping out of school altogether, or delaying making a concerted decision about their choice of career. That oft non-linear path, and the difficulties that accompany it, need to be respected – not scoffed at. We need support for gifted people at all ages, as giftedness looks different throughout the lifespan. As such, there is no “former” here – not formerly gifted, formerly talented, or formerly having high-potential. Gifted is for life, in any form – and there need to be opportunities to nurture and support those talents and the whole person – at every stage of life.
Nothing Included
I find this strange, because typically, Halloween costumes come with a mask of some sort. Why? So many gifted individuals “mask” who they are to hide their true abilities – at all stages of life. They often play down their abilities, or they don’t want to stick out, be ridiculed, or thought to be impressed with themselves. If they have exceptionalities, many work even harder to conceal their so-called quirks and oddities so that they are more socially acceptable. Even in the workplace or professional organizations, there are consequences for being “too smart” or “too accomplished.” This doesn’t go away when kids get out of school either - adults can be just as bad as (if not worse than) children when they perceive a high-potential or gifted/talented person to be a threat to them. In effect, a gifted person shining in all his or her glory might spell disaster for them professionally – intentionally demoted or held back out of fear or jealousy. So again, they often have trouble fitting in, or continually “fail” (as they or others might perceive it) if they let their true light shine through.
What happens when gifted people are in environments that don’t support them? They learn that they’re not accepted. A gifted person masking for too long or being around people who don’t see or believe in a gifted person’s potential often results in the person (child or adult) suffering from imposter syndrome, believing they aren’t “good enough” or that they don’t deserve to do well or be recognized for their accomplishments. This results in gifted individuals holding themselves back for fear of failure (especially if perfectionism is an issue) or having to answer questions like, “Who do you think you are?” In effect, these individuals – especially adults – end up in an existential crisis.
“I was supposed to be a lot of things.”
Well, at least this makes a point – sort of. Gifted individuals are often good at more than one thing, so it can be difficult for them to choose one clear path. There seems to be an overarching sentiment about what a gifted kid is supposed to grow up and be. Is the gifted population locked into the traditional “cream of the crop” degrees (Ph.D., MD, or JD), such that if they don’t obtain those degrees, they are deemed unsuccessful? Are gifted kids only worth something as adults by studying the “hard things”? So many gifted kids do obtain lofty degrees or pursue high profile, high paying careers, because of the feared perception by others that if they don’t, they’ve fallen short in life.
I have seen this time and again; so often, people accuse gifted individuals of not living up to their potential because they’re not some high-powered professional making oodles of money. This is tantamount to saying: “We’re disappointed in you.”; “You’re not enough.”; “You’re not who we thought you were.”; “So much for being smart – where did that get you?” Apparently, if a person does not live up to society’s baseless expectations, then that person falls short. Are they no longer a valuable, contributing member of society? Really? Then, we wonder where imposter syndrome comes from!
What’s the bottom line?
For many of you, none of what I have said here is new information. If you’re reading this, chances are you are a gifted adult and have gone through this yourself, or you are experiencing this with your own child or student. Perhaps some of this resonates with you, and if it doesn’t, maybe you were lucky enough to get everything you needed, and everything fell into place for you. Again, my issue is not with the “costume” – real or not – but what it says about our society that we feel the need to scorn the high-potential individual for either not fitting into a societal mold or being gifted but somehow “different”.
If this is new for you, please know that organizations like SENG exist to help the gifted and their families find resources for education, therapy, and social-emotional support – at all stages of life. We encourage you to become a member and get involved in our programs so that you can start to make a difference in a community that has been overlooked for so long.
To that end, making a positive difference does not start or stop with SENG or organizations like this. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Getting gifted children and adults the help that they need starts at home. Parents, teachers, and school administrators need to get involved. How? Have your child tested. Find programs that enrich, diversify, and advance your children’s education. If they are not available in your district, then find out if these programs exist elsewhere in your community. If none are available, talk to your Congresspeople and explain the issues – not enough appropriate education and not enough social-emotional support!
This call to action is more important now than ever before, as state after state is partially or completely defunding gifted education. Some states that mandate testing for gifted will allow schools to identify, but then don’t offer any education or emotional support to those hungry minds that need extra stimulation and unique services to address their needs. If there are gifted education opportunities, they are few and far between – and often with teachers who are ill-prepared to work with high potential students. If you’re nonplussed, frustrated, and feeling overwhelmed by all of this, I get it. I am there too. Imagine – one of the richest countries in the world not cultivating and developing its most talented! If this seems like a travesty to you – it is! Do something. Get informed. Get vocal. Get involved – because if you don’t, then maybe our gifted population will come out with a costume for the parent who did nothing – and who knows what that would look like!
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Lisa Sticca-Conrod is an attorney, professor, professional tutor, educational consultant, and executive functioning coach who has taught for several colleges and universities over the last 20 years in various disciplines, including Law, Ethics, Economics, Leadership, Management, Strategy, and Math. She holds a JD From Quinnipiac University, an MS Educational Psychology (Gifted and Talented Development) from the University of North Texas, Graduate Certificates in Neurodiversity, Executive Functioning, and Autism from Landmark College, as well as undergraduate degrees in Economics and International Studies, with minors in Spanish and Music Theory. Lisa has published several textbooks and other academic materials. Currently, Lisa Is the Vice-President of the Connecticut Association for the Gifted, and a board member at large for SENG.