By Gail Post, Ph.D.
Raised in a family of professional musicians and immersed in intensive musical training as a child, music has been a part of my life since an early age. Although I pursued a very different path as a psychologist, music still forms the foundation of my thinking, my writing, and my perspective on all things aesthetic. My children, both young adults, pursued intensive musical training as well. Participation in various youth orchestras and bands provided a connection with like-minded peers, disciplined focus, and creative engagement. One of my kids chose to major in music at college--along with a more "practical" major. While sometimes costly (although at other times, highly affordable or even free), the education they both received and what they gained from their involvement and immersion in music was priceless.
As a licensed psychologist and parenting coach with a specialization in intellectually and musically gifted individuals, I witness the struggles many families encounter. Musically gifted children need their family's emotional support and encouragement, along with a music education tailored to their development level and skills.
Musically talented children often face an uphill battle when trying to maintain enthusiasm for their studies. What typically starts with excitement and focused effort can end in boredom, apathy, and disappointment. Several authors (e.g., Haroutounian, 2002; Parncutt & McPherson, 2002) have offered ideas for enhancing musical training and motivating young musicians. Yet, parents often question how to support and sustain their child’s passion when interest starts to wane.
Along with offering training that enriches their musical education, it is just as important to anticipate, challenge, and eliminate social and emotional barriers to success. While the technical challenges and demands of music performance are an ever-present reality, children need help navigating the emotional pressure and uncertainty that may arise at different stages of their progress.
Offering emotional support to musically talented children is often as essential as the music instruction itself.
Some of the emotional roadblocks parents and teachers may need to address to support gifted young musicians include the following:
1. Boredom – Repetitive practice, musical studies that spark little interest, and distraction can erode the drive and passion in any aspiring young musician. Attention span varies depending on the child’s age; younger musicians may need more breaks and shorter practice time, and adolescents may require an environment free from competing distractions, such as electronics, phones, and other interruptions. Capturing their interest and engaging their creative spark is essential. Adolescents often seek a sense of purpose, and need a rationale for the practice methodology. They may quickly lose interest if they dislike, misunderstand, or dispute expectations in relation to their daily practice. Some rudimentary understanding of music theory may help to spark their intellectual curiosity and help them stay motivated.
2. Perfectionism – While music performance ultimately requires perfecting one’s repertoire, some gifted young musicians develop unrealistically high standards for themselves. They become frustrated, self-critical, and despairing if they fail to achieve their goals. Any real or perceived setback may undermine their confidence and overall sense of well-being. While a goal-oriented approach and dedication to one’s craft are admirable, this can be a curse for a child who buckles under pressure to succeed beyond what is reasonable.
Perfectionism is a characteristic often associated with giftedness. Although "striving for excellence" can be a catalyst toward achieving success, and not necessarily a sign of emotional disturbance, true perfectionism is devastating, and contributes to increased anxiety, depression, and despair. When musically talented children hold unrealistically rigid and perfectionistic expectations, they may succumb to the weight of these internalized demands, become anxious, or may give up on music entirely. Sometimes, counseling with a licensed mental health professional is indicated when perfectionism triggers apathy, anxiety, or depression.
3. Performance anxiety – Fears associated with performing can include anxiety about being judged, freezing under pressure, making mistakes in public, forgetting a part when performing from memory, or even reluctance to being the center of attention. While a problem that often plagues even accomplished musicians, Kemp & Mills (2002) pointed out that performance anxiety certainly affects young musicians as well. A variety of cognitive-behavioral, mindfulness (see Cornett, 2019), and imagery tools can help manage the effects of anxiety. Green (1986) offers an excellent resource for challenging thoughts and behaviors that contribute to these fears. If performance anxiety interferes significantly, counseling also may be beneficial.
4. Disappointment – All musicians eventually face rejection. Helping children handle disappointment requires significant effort from parents, as children typically lack the developmental tools for understanding how “unfair” the world can be. Gifted children, in particular, have an acute sense of what is fair and just, and may become outraged or disillusioned if they believe that someone has been mistreated. Adolescents may give up their musical goals altogether if disappointed, choosing to abandon their dreams rather than suffer another rejection. They also may grapple with feelings of envy, bitterness, or shame when others surpass them. Adults can help children put their feelings into perspective, and encourage them to focus on their own progress, recognize what they can change, and develop a plan that will help them to reach their goals.
5. Social isolation – Although many musically gifted children are introverted (Kemp & Mills, 2002), they still may suffer from the effects of social isolation. Focusing for hours on practice is a solitary activity that also may preclude participation in other extra-curricular or social activities. Performing in a band, choir or ensemble is enriching, but practice can be a lonely pursuit. Children who are not musically trained often do not understand how much dedication and practice is required, and may cajole or pressure young musicians to stop practicing. Gifted young musicians need to be reminded of their goals, find meaning in their practice, and combat isolation by building in breaks during practice that include opportunities for contact with peers. Frequent participation in music ensembles can offer much-needed relief from isolation, providing shared purpose and goals, a sense of unity, and an opportunity to meet friends with similar interests.
6. Anxiety about career paths – Many adolescent musicians realistically question whether music is a viable career path. They are aware of the job market and the highly competitive struggle to find meaningful work. Parents and teachers can help them determine whether their talent and passion may be sufficient to sustain the challenge of a performance career, or if they are temperamentally suited for another pursuit, such as music education, music technology, or music theory. Many musically gifted children have multiple talents, and may be able to combine music with other fields. Rather than dismissing their dream of a music career, providing realistic information about costs, salaries, job prospects, and lifestyle factors can guide them to the right decision. On the other hand, even if they pursue a completely different path, their musical training provides a solid foundation. Discipline, focus, a sense of rhythm and flow, and an ability to work collaboratively with others all enhance any career path. And they may continue to engage in their love of music as a hobby, an outlet, or source of stress relief.
Offering emotional support to musically talented children is often as essential as the music instruction itself. Many potential careers have been thwarted by disillusionment and anxiety, and might have been salvaged with some clear support and guidance. It is not an easy challenge for parents, or for those who teach these talented students, but is a necessary component for success.
More articles on supporting your musically gifted child:
* This is an update of an article published in the National Association of Gifted Children Arts Newsletter, Vol. 1, Issue 1, Fall, 2013.*
Cornett, V. (2019). The mindful musician: Mental skills for peak performance. New York: Oxford University Press.
Green, B. (1986). The Inner Game of Music. New York: Doubleday.
Haroutounian, J. (2002). Kindling the Spark. New York: Oxford University Press.
Kemp, A. & Mills, J. (2002). Musical potential. In Parncutt, R., & McPherson, G. (Eds.) The Science and Psychology of Performance, (Pp. 3-16). New York: Oxford University Press.
Parncutt, R., & McPherson, G. (Eds.) (2002) The Science and Psychology of Performance. New York: Oxford University Press.
Gail Post, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist, parenting coach, workshop leader, and writer. In clinical practice forover 35 years, she provides psychotherapy in the Philadelphia area with a focus on the needs of the intellectually and musically gifted; consultation with educators and psychotherapists; and parent coaching throughout the U.S. and Canada. Dr. Post served as co-chair of a gifted parents advocacy group when her children were in school, and continues to advocate through workshops with schools and parenting groups, online articles, and a long-standing blog, Gifted Challenges. You also can follow her Gifted Challenges pages on Facebook and Twitter, or find out more at GailPost.com.